WHY?

There’s no better time to start than now, I feel an unavoidable desire to express.

I have been spending  life on the magically healing island of Holbox, which is a place for activation of many things - but especially the throat chakra.

So, welcome to my blog! 

Which I actually started 11 years ago.. but never published anywhere. 
Out of curiosity I went looking for that original blog post and it was simply titled “Why”
And now, 11 years later I still find myself contemplating - why…

I have to give credit to my oldest nephew, who went through an amazing phase where he would ask “Why” about literally everything. It became a joke between us and now that he is all grown up (about to graduate with his masters) I love to throw the question back at him while he navigates the world.

Around the time my nephew was asking “Why,” I was managing my first community space - a CrossFit gym in Fredericksburg, VA. I quickly began to realize that the people who had the most success* in the gym were people who had crystal clear clarity on why they were showing up to the gym. And spoiler, it wasn’t the why’s like “I want a 6 pack” it was the people who knew their life’s WHY who were finding their version of success. 

I began to offer Goal Coaching Sessions to support our community members in finding the clarity that would not only support them in the gym but in the other 23 hours too. The results were profound. People were finding it much easier to make the choices they wanted to make because they had a deeper understanding of WHY their choices matter and the IMPACT they can have when living life aligned with their purpose. 

Because, in my opinion that is the juiciest part.. we each have a very unique why. We may even say the same words as someone else, but the intentions, images and expressions of everyone’s why are 100% unique to you. 

And over the last 12 years I have made it my mission to live life aligned with my Why, which has led me to supporting countless people and businesses in identifying their unique why… and it has also led me to make choices and live in ways that other people don’t understand.

The beauty of it for me is that I don’t need other people to understand because.. I know my why and can live making confident decisions because I am so clear on my why. Spoiler: when I look back on phases of life that felt uncomfortable, it was normally because I was pushing my why to the side to make others comfortable.

After lots of contemplation, meditation and conversations my soul led me here, spending my time on Isla Holbox in Mexico. So many of you have asked me why, and it’s been hard to feel like I have time to communicate it accurately. In hopes that how I answer this question will give you more insight into the power of first rooting in your why’s. And, just how helpful it is to explore the depths of roots… ???

So, why did I move to Holbox?

Get Bored 

I believe part of the way modern evil tries to keep me down is by making me think I should be doing something, always. What I also learned is that when I start to experience uncomfortable feelings I don’t want, I make myself busy. And there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that to be a tool every once in a while, but only when also combined with holding space to experience those uncomfortable feelings. I have come a long way in unlearning coping mechanisms which no longer serve me and I wanted to see what else might come up when I really push myself to have free time. Who would I be when I didn’t have 3 - 4 jobs to do all in one day? What would I feel if there wasn’t another gym to drop in to? How would I choose to spend my time if I couldn’t drive to the mountains on a whim for a new hike? I’m only 3 months into this exploration, but I have been enjoying getting to know who I am when life is about being. I live an incredibly privileged life on this island, my work is remote and covers all living expenses here which allow me to be bored here. I am very aware that is not everyone’s lived experience on this island. My hope is that everyone will find a way at some point in their life to get bored if it feels like it would serve them as well.

Shed Anger

Like many people with the privilege of aging, I’ve become more aware of certain aspects of how I was raised that I want to unlearn. In my childhood home - yelling, grabbing, slamming doors and rage were how people handled difficult moments of daily life. I didn’t realize there were people who hadn’t experienced anger on a daily basis until I was much older and talking with a friend about her childhood that it really hit me. I have come so far and taught myself so many better ways to handle what life throws me, through meditation and leaning into patience. Here on the island I very rarely experience people reacting in anger. Even in the smallest moments, people choose peace and patience over anger with a deep awareness that anger doesn’t need to stick around.

That being said, there are moments when anger is necessary to experience. Fuck trump. Fuck ICE. Free Palestine.

Decolonize + Decapitalize Further

A gift I received growing up in Washington DC was that I was surrounded by so many different types of people from all around the world and with different belief systems. I always chose resistance against white supremacy and am grateful I was born in somewhat of a “blue bubble” - not without it’s problems, but in my opinion, better than the alternative. Over the years, I’ve educated myself more and more on the realities of the evil, racist systems which so-called america was built upon. And, I am aware that there are many ways the colonizer and capitalistic brainwashing would sneak into my mind. I took a course by Charlotte James called Psychedelic Liberation Training and in our first session she had a slide which shared the characteristics of white supremacy culture. While I was aware of many, there were several on the slide that were still holding on to me like: right to comfort, I’m the only one, scarcity mindset.

Learn Spanish

I have always said I wanted to learn Spanish, but was never consistent enough to really grasp it. I knew the basic basics, but the desire was growing louder and louder. At this point in my life, it felt like the best way to do it would be to spend a quality amount of time in a Spanish speaking country and commit to learning the language.

Eat Ceviche

I have a complex relationship with food. And I’m not going to go deep down that path here, but for me to heal my relationship with food I wanted to be somewhere where I could have easy, affordable access to locally sourced foods free of scary chemicals. While there are certainly options on the island that don’t fit that intention, I have been able to easily reach for food that energizes and inspires. I feel the shifts occurring in my relationship with food, and am even cooking more - especially with friends. I hope I always feel best when eating locally sourced foods. There’s almost nothing that will ever taste better to me than eating freshly caught and made ceviche on the beaches here. Every time, it is a sacred experience. This is new for me to experience with food, and feels like an amazing gift to receive.

Nature Time

In my life in the states I probably got more nature time than most - but it still wasn’t enough for me. I want nature to be completely interwoven in every aspect of my life. I enjoy being constantly aware that Mother Nature is in charge, and being humbled by how reliant I am upon her. This was one of my favorite realizations while living in my van. I was hyper aware of how much water I used and weather patterns ruled my life in a way that gets easily lost when living in many different modern american homes. I loved it. And while I continued to find ways to entwine with Mother Nature, I still felt myself wanting more access to her elements. Living here on and island with sand roads, the only concrete you’ll find is a few random sidewalks for people to walk on when the roads are flooded from the rain. We lose power and service frequently - not often for long, but frequently removing all access to technology for microdoses of reminders of a life before technology.

I have many blogs drafted and am committed to releasing one/week. No excuses. Even if they feel incomplete, they are going out to the world as a practice of raw vulnerability for me. 

*to me success equals happiness, so when I say they had the most success at the gym, they are the people who were showing up in a way that was fulfilling to them (not necessarily every day) and were living their best life outside the gym too!